I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
