I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
