How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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