I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
