tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
