i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
