Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
