Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize