Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
