very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
