My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
