As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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