bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize