He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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