ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
