I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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