I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
