do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
