She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
