We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
