i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
