She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
