I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
