Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
