I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
