Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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