He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
