I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
