I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My ATM looks so different sober.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
