You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
