Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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