On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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