I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
