So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
