Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
