i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
