Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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