you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
