I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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