ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
