my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
