Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
