Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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