I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
