I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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