Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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