STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
