nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
