I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
