If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want to make out with him forever
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
