One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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