Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
