i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
