u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
