I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!