Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.