dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser