he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME