That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
