they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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