there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
