I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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