I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
