Umm I'm too high to move.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
