I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
