I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
