Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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