Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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