my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
