She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
